The Stand

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I have been praying a lot lately for a couple of friends of mine who are currently in the PICU with their child who has a couple of lung infections. Their child needed to be on a non-invasive ventilator as well as a feeding tube.  No one should have to watch their child struggle to breathe.  I know.  I had to watch Levi struggle to breathe his whole life, which ultimately ended it.   Anyway, our friends child is doing great; he’s off the ventilator and feeding tube. It should only be a few more days until they get to come home! Praise God!

This brought back many memories for me about our stay in the hospital with Levi. Remembering all the times we had to intubate and extubate, feeding tubes in and out, needles in and out, putting a brain shunt in, chest tubes in and out, test after test. Wow. Looking back on all the things that happened in Levi’s short life is a crazy thing to think about. He needed to go home, he was very sick.

I remember the day he died, it was the saddest day and the most relieving day of my life. During those last beautiful moments while I sat and held my beautiful wife rock Levi as he passed into Jesus’ arms are moments I will never forget. I remember the song that was playing in the background, Hillsong United’s ‘the stand’.

You stood before creation.
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

The phrases about ‘offering this heart o God completely to you’, and ‘all I am is yours’ are phrases that I visually saw myself giving my son into God’s hands. This is a very powerful image for me to hold on to because it brings me peace, knowing that Levi is in good hands. I will say it again, this pain sucks, but it’s only temporary. I will one day again hold my child with tears of joy.

“Tears of joy will stream down their faces, and I will lead them home with great care. They will walk beside quiet streams and on smooth paths where they will not stumble.” Jeremiah 31:9 NLT

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