The Small Windowless Room

ImageThe doctor walks in and examines Levi, makes small talk with us for a while and finally says those heart stopping words, “I would like to meet with you sometime this week to discuss options.”  These are words no parent wants to hear.  After setting a time and date to meet with the doctors I remember being in constant prayer about what might happen that day.  I remember mostly praying for peace and the strength to voice my opinion.  Those prayers were answered.

We’ve been in this room many times before but this time it was different. You could feel the depressing energy, especially when the doctor says another set of words you’ll never forget; “we have to think about what we are doing to Levi compared to what we are doing for him.” In other words she was telling us we have done everything we can try and there is nothing else we can do for your baby.  In other words, it’s just a matter of time until he dies.  I remember giving it all I had. I told the doctors that there was nothing to great for God to handle, God can still heal my son and I am willing to try anything to help him…………………I remember telling them that I still have hope.  
This room is intensely scary and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.  And there’s only one way anyone could get through it without having an emotional breakdown, and that is Jesus.  I couldn’t imagine having to go through any of Levi’s short life without Him.  There is one verse that helped me through this time and that is Jeremiah 29:11, “for I know the plans that I have for you, ‘declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.”
Clinging to that hope is all we can do. 

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